You have had your heart broken into what feels like a million pieces, and now you feel really quite broken yourself. I'm here to tell you that it does in fact get better. So much better.
I know you thought that your life was on track. There were promises made, and a plan in place, but you knew it didn't feel quite right. You allowed yourself to ignore that nagging feeling because you so desperately wanted the end goal. To be married. To have kids. To be a wife and a mother and the identity that goes along with that. Certainly beats the identity you have now. Stuck in limbo. Not in school, not really having a "career"
And then it fell apart. It had no foundation to stand on. It wasn't right. You knew that, but refused to see it. Now you are left with a broken heart. Not broken over him, but broken over the loss of the dream. Where do you go from here?
I'm here to tell you that the identity you are so desperately searching for is not going to be found in a loveless relationship, and it will be even farther from your grasp if you continue on the path you're on.
Alcohol. What began as something that helped you enjoy yourself has now become much darker. An escape. Something that dulls the pain. You'll joke about how you need a drink after the day you've had, but truthfully you'll have one either way. And the real Catch 22 here is that all it seems to do is put you in situations that cause you more pain. A glass of wine turns into a bottle quicker than you think, and soon enough you're no longer satisfied with those last few red drops. You start to enjoy the excuse of drunkenness for your choices. To you it seems silly and carefree. Most of the people around you dismiss this as "just a phase" Only the closest of friends know better.
I'm here to tell you that this will get so much worse before it will get better. And if you "need" a drink, then what you really need, is to reevaluate what could possibly breed a desire for something that alters your perception of reality.
Sex. First of all, let's get one thing straight. Sex does not equal love. You're so desperate for affirmation that someone does care about you and wants to be with you, that even cheap substitutes seem better than the alternative of being alone.
I hear you tell people that you don't believe that love exists. I see you sink deeper and deeper into that lie. Believing that what is being offered to you is as good as it will get. How will you ever obtain your goals now?
I'm here to tell you that your goals are not going to help your hurt. Go ahead- become a wife and a mother. It won't fill that hole in your soul. Your identity to the outside world will surely change, but your perception of self will not. You are wounded, Broken Girl. A marriage and family and the happiness that results from it will simply be a band aid on a gaping wound. You will undoubtedly experience symptoms of this wound eventually. Over eating. Under eating. Addiction- this demon comes in many forms. Booze. Alcohol. Shopping. Hoarding. None of these things will fill your emptiness.
I'm here to tell you it's best to deal with this now. It's best to see the answer right in front of you. You are wrong when you think no one understands or feels your pain. Jesus is standing right beside you. The shards of your broken heart are slicing into His and His blood is covering all of it.
I'm here to tell you about hope. Hope in something so much greater than yourself- because when you can stop counting on only yourself to make things better you can allow yourself to fall into the safety net that awaits. Sure, it might be a scary thought, to let yourself fall, but unlike the trust exercise they force to play at summer camp where you're worried if Betty Sue can catch you, there is no doubt that Jesus will come through.
He wants to put you back together Broken Girl, because your pain hurts Him just as much as it hurts you. That identity you were so desperately seeking is found in Him. You are His beloved daughter. A daughter of the King. You don't have to search or wait any longer because your inheritance is being kept safe for you, and cannot be spoiled, defiled or taken from you.
Broken Girl, you're not so broken anymore.
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Thanks for stopping by :)
Thanks for stopping by :)