Well, I've been a Pastor's Wife for two whole months now. I can't tell you how many times I've started writing a post (usually just in my head) only to stop and think "Hmm... can I share that?" It's a whole new ballgame for a girl like me - someone who has so openly shared the ins and outs of wifery and motherhood up until now. I hesitate, but then I remember that writing is a God given talent, and blogging is something I have felt the Lord encourage me in time and time again. I think that there is so much power in our words, and so much strength in the words that we choose to share.
And so here I am. A pastor's wife and a blogger. I'm sure I will find my way eventually as long as I am careful to listen to the Holy Spirit and as always honour my husband in what I choose to share or not share.
I used to work in the church we attended before. I was the receptionist for 4 years and I loved it. (I only quit because we started our family and I wanted to be home with my babies.) Something I was always acutely aware of was the fact that my voice was, in some ways, the face of the church. If someone called our church having no experience or relationships to give them a sense of who we were, my voice - my tone, inflection, cheerfulness... that was where their first impression was formed. I was always careful to represent the church well. People can change their minds, but first impressions matter.
And now I am feeling this sense again. We are in the process of making first impressions with people. Each week I can see people looking over at us with inquisitive expressions. Some approach, start conversations, ask us about the few things they know about us (Have we moved to Westlock yet? Have we found a house? How do we find the commute?) We have begun tiny little budding friendships with a few, but most remain acquaintances and even strangers for now. And I know this will change. I know in time these people will become our community. Our family. I know that we will get to know them and they will get to know us, but for now I know that we just... don't. And so I hesitate. I think twice about what I post or don't post on social media (read: less pictures of glasses of wine) and I think that's ok. For now. But I am a blogger. I may have been posting less in the last year or two, but I am still a blogger, and that means that I am an open book. It has never been in my nature to be a private, quiet person. I am loud and thoughtful and opinionated and just because Chris is now a pastor doesn't mean that has changed. I think that I crave an authenticity in life and this is my way of contributing to it.
I do feel the need to be careful- knowing that some people may stumble across this blog and it be their first impression of me, and therefore also possibly of Chris. I also know that down the line someone who is new to the church could stumble across this place and find it to be their first impression of us and therefore the church. So I will be careful with what I have been entrusted with. But I am a blogger. I don't think I can stand this self imposed silence any longer. Writing is how I process things, and man I have had SO MUCH to process these last couple of months! Good things. Sad things. Happy moments. Life changing moments.
I will leave you with two pictures for now. They are both so incredibly special to me. The first is our last day at St. Albert Alliance. The place where we both "grew up" in our faith. The place where I worked for 4 years and Chris interned and we both volunteered in countless ministries. It was and will always be our family. This picture is of our church family laying hands on us in prayer as they commissioned us into vocational ministry in Westlock. I cried so many tears that morning, and just typing this now is making my tear up!
The next picture was from our first Sunday morning after that, being prayed for by the pastor and elders at Westlock Alliance. Our new home. We have so many hopes, dreams and prayers wrapped up in this place!
I will hold these two moments in my heart for as long as I live. Our life in vocational ministry is just beginning and I can't wait to see where it takes us!