Does anyone else get awfully sick of looking "together" all the time?

I have no idea where it started, but it's been a problem for a really really long time now. Somewhere along the line I got it in my head that my outward appearance needed to always be perfect.

Just me? That's fine. I'll stand alone in Transparent-ville.


Luckily, being married has taught me a few things. Having someone there to see all of it-like how sometimes I don't do laundry for 2 weeks (What's wrong? I have that many pairs of underwear... Oh... you don't? That's awkward..) Well let's just say that the jig is up, and rather than being quite embarrassed, it's really the opposite. Who knew your husband could teach you so much in your flaws? (Watch how I tie this all together at the end. It'll blow your mind)

A few examples:

Our house is impeccably clean. I'm not a crazy person, I just happen to like it that way, and I also actually enjoy cleaning. It's a weird stress reliever for me. I do tend to throw it into overdrive when we have people over though. Chris once gave me a lecture before we had friends over that I needed to relax on the cleanliness because people might feel uncomfortable in our home. I don't want someone to nearly have a heart attack if they spill something because they think I'm going to freak out... but apparently that's the vibe I throw out there.

Lesson #1: People don't want to visit your show home.

The need to make good, healthy, not-from-a-box meals. I know everyone wants to eat healthy and eat well, but for me it goes a little farther. I actually feel as though I've failed when I make Kraft Dinner. If each meal doesn't consist of a starch, meat and vegetable (and salad doesn't count- cooked vegetables only!) then I feel like I haven't "done my job" And by starch I mean rice or potatoes. Almost never pasta, because that's not "healthy" The reasons for this is an odd mix between being taught that way/wanting to eat balanced meals/and a weird competetive nature I have that deserves a whole blog entry in itself. Bottom line- Chris loves everything I cook whether it's from scratch or from a box, so I'm not sure why I can't let this go.

Lesson #2: It's ok if I don't slave over a hot stove to make dinner. In fact if I made sandwiches for dinner, my husband would be extatic, and claim I was the best cook ever. Well, perhaps that's because I make rockin' snadwiches. Dangnabit, there I go again...

Budgeting. admittedly, I am pretty good at this, but that doesn't mean I need to boast about it and offer my "services" to anyone that mentions they have a hard time keeping track of their money. Not one friend has taken me up on this offer to date. You'd think I'd get the message? Anyways, I enjoy doing it, but Chris wants to know what's goin on with all the dollas too. He's been making such an effort to learn all that I know, but it turns out I'm kind of crappy at teaching this stuff. I've let him watch me as I scribble down numbers and do calculations in my head. You can't get it from that?? Come on!

Lesson #3: Maybe don't offer to do something you can't do at all. We all have strengths. Teaching is not one of mine. (Working on it) 

Thankfully when I pop a frozen pizza in the oven my husband doesn't look at me like I've wronged him or dissapointed him in some way. In fact I think he was kind of relieved to find out I am in fact, NOT a Stepford Wife. Rather than treat him like a trained secret agent ("Remember, your name is Chris, you're happily married, and you eat meat and potatoes EVERY night") or even worse, like a child ("Don't you dare open that junk drawer when people are over!") I thought maybe I'm actually supposed to learn something in all this. *Perhaps* it's time to let go of the appearance, and see what happens.

It turns out (today) my flaws are not where I fall short, but instead in how I refuse to fall short. I'm a perfectionist- not necessarily in everything I do, but in how I want to appear in everything I do. Truthfully? My house may look very clean, but I have a couple of drawers that I'm afraid to open for fear all the junk will burst out. I LOVE fish and chips for dinner- I'm talking fish sticks.. like minced "fish" with loads of tartar sauce. And as for our budget? Sometimes it keeps me up at night if I haven't written everything down and crunched all the numbers.

Insomnia is nothing to be envious of, let me tell you.

Stay tuned, Lessons 4 through 100 are sure to come soon enough.