Monday, 15 June 2020

Marriage Monday

Marriage Monday!

This morning I crawled into bed at 5:45 with Scarlett, hoping I could snuggle her back to sleep. We had been up since 5. She blew bubbles while I laid there attempting to accept the fact that she wasn’t going back to sleep. Chris rolled over, and I apologized for waking him up. He asked what time it was and sympathized when I told him how long I had been awake. And then he offered to get up for a bit until I needed to get up for the first dayhome kid’s arrival. I closed my eyes and was back asleep in seconds.

I’m telling you this story because while it is SO NORMAL for us now, it wasn’t always. When Elliott was little I would sometimes be woken up 5-6 times in the night, and up for the day well before 6. And I did it all alone because I didn’t know how to communicate my needs, and I sort of thought that night time/early morning parenting was a solo sport. I grew up with a Dad that was mostly a spectator in the parenting game, and while I didn’t consciously think I wanted the same thing, my actions created a similar environment. I often took on all the hard parts of parenting because I was afraid that Chris would resent our choice to have kids if it was too hard, and in the early years I was afraid he wouldn’t want more kids unless it seemed easy.

Monday, 18 March 2019

10 Years Of Being Loved By Him

It was in March of ‘09 that we went on our first date. Or “non-date” as we called it because neither of us really knew if it was a date or not, and when we ran into a mutual friend that point blank asked us if we were on a date, we both kind of choked. 😂. We went to our first show together - Christian Hansen at the ARTery. It was a high intensity, crazy, jump up and down and dance kind of show, but we stood awkwardly together at the back. Then finally we just sat down near the door and talked and talked for hours. I told one of my best friends the next day that I had just been on the best date of my life... even though I wasn’t sure if it was a date or not.

If you would have asked me that day what I hoped for 10 years down the road, I could have never imagined this life. I probably could have pictured the marriage, house and kids. I was in my early 20’s and knew I wanted all that in my future. What I couldn’t foresee what just how madly in love I would be. Anything I had felt before Chris was a spark in comparison to a bonfire, but the real surprise is how our years together have turned into embers that burn hotter and brighter than I ever imagined. 

Monday, 21 January 2019

Marriage, Seven Years and Two Kids In

The last time I wrote exclusively about marriage was when we were blissful newlyweds. I think we had been married a year or less when I first started clickety clacking away about all my thoughts and ideas on marriage. I remember a friend commenting on a post on sex, saying something like "I can't wait to hear your thoughts on all this once you've had a couple kids." There was probably a winky face in there, because I'm pretty sure she had two kids and knew what I didn't... kids really do change everything!

So here we are. Seven (and a half) years in, and two kids later, and I still have a lot of thoughts and ideas about marriage (and sex!) So many, that I thought I might as well write a whole series of posts about it. Some of you may have seen my Instagram (@Melissa1014) story where I asked for suggestions on what specific marriage issues to write on. I got some great suggestions! I'll try my best to touch on all of the questions I had throughout this series, as well as some things that I consider to be very important in our marriage.

Tuesday, 27 November 2018

Less Netflix, More Chill

A few weeks ago I had the privilege of speaking to a group of women in our church at an event. This is a copy of that talk!

So something that has interested me for quite a while now is STRESS. 

What is stress? According to the dictionary Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.

I looked up some stats, and apparently when asked to rate our stress from 1 to 10, the average answer given is 6. So, it sounds to me like we want to be clear that we’re ok- we have it together… but don’t expect too much out of me because I AM just slightly more stressed than I should be. Women report on average, a 5% higher answer than men. And I’m sure none of you will be surprised that generationally speaking, Millennials report the highest levels of stress. 

So, what are we all so stressed about? Beats me. That’s not what I’m here to talk about tonight. The truth is that stress is there in all stages of life, and its real, and it’s probably not going anywhere. 

Tuesday, 10 July 2018

Almost a Year Down The Road

I can't decided where to start or what to write, so I'm just going to start typing, and we'll see what comes out. Sound good? Great. My last post was on October 23rd. Almost 8 months ago? I'm pretty sure I was a different person on October 23rd. I wrote about post partum depression and how I had just started taking medication, which if I remember correctly, was in late August of last year. So now I've been on medication for nearly a year. 

I want to be very careful about how I share this journey because I realize so much more now than I ever have before how insensitive it can be to make claims on mental health. Whether you admit it or not, we all have preconceived notions on what mental health struggles are like. I'm sure if you hear the words depression or anxiety you have ideas of what those things are, and you likely even have a person in your life that struggles with one or both. You probably also have idea of what medication for these things is like, and/or what it is like to be on these medications.

Monday, 23 October 2017

Coffee Grounds and Post Partum Depression


"Oops" he said with a nervous little voice.

I turned around to see our refillable K-cup spilled onto the ground. Elliott had tried to help me by taking it out of the machine and dumping it into the garbage, but it was too hot for him and he dropped it. Two months ago I would have reacted in anger. I would have exclaimed "Elliott!! What did you do?" and caused him to flee the scene in fear of a time out or having me tell him in seventeen different ways why he shouldn't have touched the k-cup in the first place.

Today was different. Even though I had two whiney one year olds in front of me, both upset at my lunch offerings and protesting loudly while throwing food on the floor... today was still different.

"Oops! You dropped it! I said in a calm voice."It's ok sweetie. It was an accident. Mommy makes messes too sometimes. Here let me help you clean it up." 

He happily helped me wipe up the mess and remarked at how tiny the coffee grounds were. 

"I need my magnifying glass!"  (I surprised both him and I by agreeing enthusiastically.) 

I asked him what he could do differently next time so this didn't happen.

"Ask Mommy" he said sheepishly. He gave me a big hug, and we both smiled and squeezed.

I would love to say that this is a result of the Positive Parenting seminar I recently attended (and I'm sure that in part it is- SUCH a good seminar!) but the truth is that two months ago I walked into the emergency room in my small town and nervously told them that I thought I needed to go on medication for Post Partum Depression. 

Friday, 6 October 2017

6 Hours

Looks like it did take an entire month for this post to happen. Sorry guys. It was a mixture of busy-ness and honestly just having trouble typing this part out. I love writing and I love sharing all the vulnerable parts of my life. I find it freeing and cathartic; I always seem to find a part of myself that I didn't know quite as fully before. So perhaps that's why I've been putting it off. Sitting down at my laptop and typing it out means that I have to really explore my heart and put words to how I'm feeling.

If you haven't been tracking along with the story about my Dad you can click on these links to read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 first. We left off with the day my Dad moved into his own apartment. He had previously been staying with my sister Nicole, but that arrangement wasn't working out very well, so they found him a tiny furnished apartment in Chinatown. Nicole and her husband James dropped him off at 1 pm.