Confessions of a Newlywed: Things I Wish I'd Known Before I Got Married - Part 2

In my last post I talked about my Mom, and how she modeled the picture of a strong independent woman for me. Today myself and my husband Chris write about how my independence had the potential to confuse roles and expectations we both had going into marriage.

 In a marriage (at least in ours) both the wife and the husband have a desire to take care of the other. We do this in different ways, both big and small. For instance, this evening I baked muffins for Chris's lunch, and he mowed the lawn.... these are things that when done, bring the other person pleasure. Chris loves sweet treats, and I hate mowing the lawn, and am SO grateful to not have to do it. In a small unspoken way when we do these things what we are saying to the other is "I  want to show you I love you, and I want to take care of your needs"

Problems may arise when we come into a marriage with certain expectations of how we might take care of the other. When we are not able to fulfill the role we have set for ourselves it can leave us feeling inadequate, and even unworthy. One way I realized I was not allowing Chris to take care of me was in small ways - things that I had always done for myself that he had always perceived as the husband's role. I had never needed to ask for help, so why would I now? 

I've asked Chris to share a little on this topic....

Confessions of a Newlywed: Things I Wish I'd Known Before I Got Married - Part 1

The Title of this blog is *ahem* borrowed from a book I read by Gary Chapman before Chris and I were engaged. One of my favorite parts of the book is when the author talks about how would be naive to believe that our childhood- specifically our relationships with our parents- do not affect the way we relate to our spouse.

Oh geez. This certainly could open up a can of worms, couldn't it?

Now, if you know me then you know that I haven't always had the easiest relationship with my Dad. Surprisingly that isn't what I want to talk about today. Today I'm talking about my amazing Mommy, and how her model of a strong independent woman shaped the woman I am today.

Confessions of a Newlywed: Intro

As Chris and I approach our One Year Anniversary in only a few days I find myself thinking and reflecting on the last year quite a bit.  I have a couple of friends that are in serious relationships and are currently tracking towards engagement and I feel the need to be quite transparent here. I have no intention of scaring them off or wanting to change their minds, but it seems to me that you hear from two main groups when it comes to marriage - The younger marrieds in my experience have a tendency to lean towards only telling stories of their first few years being this blissful honeymoon stage, and then there are the older marrieds (Married 20+ years)  who have made it through the trials and are seasoned enough to admit the truth. Marriage is hard work. So very worth it, but also really quite hard. More so than I think most people expect.

A Letter to My High School Self

Dear High School Self,

Well things just got a little better, now didn't they? (Refer back to A Letter to My Junior High Self)

Boyfriend. Job. Friends, both new and old. For a while, it really seems like you're on a roll! Although... you probably could have done a few things better.

First of all. Don't start smoking. Ok, let's be fair- this happened in the summer before high school, and you quit only a few months into grade 10. Can we just agree that it was a dumb decision to ever try it? Now you're going to buy into the lie that it's a stress reliever, and any little squabble with the boyfriend will send you running for a pack. Just plain dumb. Do your future self a favor and stay away from those bad boys, otherwise it's quite likely you'll struggle with this well into your twenties.

Allow yourself to be more than one dimension

I am a lot of things. I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a youth leader, an employee, a colleague... the list goes on and on. That's not really what I mean though.

I am a bit of a hippy, but also a tiny bit hipster. I am an environmentalist. I believe in fair trade, and in making socially conscience decisions and purchases... but I am also a sucker for a good deal and often shop at Wal-Mart. I have recently turned into a bit of a health nut, but still love a good plate of greasy nachos.

Keeping your tank full

Sorry I have been MIA recently. I have been investing all my time into a couple of lovely events I helped plan. First there was a Ladies Retreat the first weekend of May, and this past weekend I had the privilege of co-hosting a Bridal Shower for my oldest bestest friend Mandi. Both events took a ton of work, and both were 110% worth it- something I can say now that I am on the other side of the hair frazzling, budget crunching, registration taking, up all night baking, crafting til my fingers hurt marathon.

I was reflecting about how I managed to get through those frazzled moments. It's all about balance and keeping your tank full - a concept that I have borrowed from a well known speaker, and have adopted into my daily life. Forgive me if I have talked about this before, but even if I have, it's worth going into a bit more detail.

So... I have a secret

I hate working out. I pretty much just refuse to do it. I will happily watch what I eat, and limit junk food. Anything that has to do with my caloric intake - no problem, I've got that figured out. I can muster up the will power when needed. My problem is burning those calories.