Friday, 5 October 2012

What's the rush, Rushy Pants?

I don't know why I've always felt rushed in my life. Rushed to get through high school; rushed to figure out what I want to do with my life. Rushed to get married and start a family. To be out of debt. To buy a house. To have a retirement plan.

It's as though I have grown up with the "normal age" to have all these things done seared in my brain. I'm sure there were many influences in that- conversations with family and friends, media etc. I can distinctly remember planning out my life with my cousin when we were little. I wanted to be married by 20, and have my first baby at 22. Of course we would buy our first home the year we got married. It just made sense.
When I turned 22 I was in the process of breaking up with my 3rd long-term boyfriend and found myself single for the first time in 7 years. Can you say PANIC? This was not how my life was supposed to pan out! I was farther from being married than I had been when I was 16 (I had a promise ring and everything) My sister and I would joke that if we wanted our timelines to work out (Meet the man, date for a reasonable amount of time, get engaged, get married) we would have had to have met Mr Right, right around... ummmmm TWO YEARS AGO.

Okay, enough complaining. I'm turning 27 in less than 2 weeks and have been married just over a year to the man of my dreams (Literally- I still have heart fluttering dreams about this guy!) and now I'm sitting here wondering why the heck I felt rushed in the first place.

Chris is in his 2nd (out of 4) year of school, and we rent the top floor of my Mom's house (GIANT blessing) We are debt free.... except for his student loans which will slowly accrue over the years, but I've oddly found myself in this place where I don't really care about it. (Don't talk to me about money unless you want to hear a very odd view) Baby. Career. House. Out of debt. It's all going to happen. Not in my original timeline, but I don't mind. I wouldn't even say I have a timeline for it anymore. Ok... maybe I do with baby ;) Don't bother asking though- I'm not telling!

We're talking about taking a year long trip to Europe after Chris is done school, should our financial position (and the Lord) provide. This would postpone Chris's job hunt for a pastoral position. For some people this sounds backwards- shouldn't we want him to be in an established career as soon as possible? Well... I'm not really sure why. Is there a secret I don't know about how they don't hire pastors over the age of 30? Or is it that we couldn't possibly be able to provide for our family without him being "established" as early as possible? (Again.... the money topic deserves a blog post of it's own!)

Are we all just waiting for ____ for our lives to begin? Are we too busy waiting for the next thing to fall into place to enjoy right now? Are we putting things off until the thing we've been waiting for happens?  I know I've certainly felt that at times. But what happens in the meantime? When you're waiting for your career to take off, or to be finished school, to be married, or get pregnant?

Are you in a waiting room, or are you living your life?

No one likes waiting rooms, and of course you want to rush rushy pants your way out of them. I mean, they're usually full of people checking their watch every 5 minutes, and the disappointment of when a name is called aaaaaand.... it's not yours. Again. Trust me. I get it. That being said, my thoughts today are that I'm refusing to even step in the waiting room. My "appointment" time isn't dependent on outside forces or other people anymore. I'm not hurrying on to the next expected stage of life, and I'm not waiting for my name to be called to start my life. My time is now.

P.S - Charissa, I got your back. Don't feel too much pressure to "figure it all out"


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~M

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