Thursday, 3 January 2013

Every Personality Strength Stands Next To A Flaw

I've been having trouble putting fingers to keyboard (Get it? Instead of pen to paper??) when it comes to my first post of 2013. Should I write about what I learned in 2012? Maybe just some highlights of all the blessings we received? Or instead maybe I should reevaluate my life, and write about what habits I want to be rid of, and what new routines I would like to incorporate. It seems as though a lot of bloggers take this first post quite seriously- using it as a springboard into a new series, or at least a new outlook.

I've got nothin. Sorry to disappoint folks, but really my mind is blank.

I think it's a romantic idea to sit down once a year and take stock of your life. To see what has worked, and what hasn't and then try to implement changes. My problem is that I'm too organized.

Hold on. What?

I was reminded recently that my strength in organization also comes with some pitfalls. Here's my confession: I have trouble doing anything unless I can do it 100%

Case and point: Last night my hubby and I played a couple board games, just the two of us. He had just found a couple games on sale that can be played with only two players and we couldn't wait to break them in. It was so fun - Right after we finished dinner and cleaning up we made a pot of tea and launched into a 3.5 hour board game marathon. It was so refreshing to do something other than peruse Netflix, go on the internet, or watch yet another rerun of How I Met Your Mother. Something that takes a little less brain space than reading and still plants us right in front of one another, face-to-face and able to have a conversation.

Sidenote: Munchkin- SO fun!

One of my first thoughts was how much I was enjoying myself, and how I really love when we do things like this that take us away from the buzz of technology and allows us to enjoy each other along with whatever we are doing. My next thought was how nice it would be to do this once or twice a week. And how maybe we should designate a specific day that is our "Board Game Day" Hmmm... maybe Tuesday? No, no that won't work. We grocery shop every second Tuesday. Mondays and Wednesdays are out due to Bible Study and Youth Group. That leaves Thursdays and Fridays. Saturdays we often hang out with friends, and I have no idea why Sundays didn't come to mind, but it seemed like an off limits day at the time. So next I evaluated whether or not Thursdays or Fridays ever have another activity planned.

See, in my mind it has to be every Thursday, or no Thursday.

You see the flaw now?

Now picture that ten-fold and you have my anxiety when it comes to New Years Resolutions. I've practically given up before I can go out and buy the new notebook that I need to write down the new aspirations I have. I'm not even kidding - I can only see myself completing my task in perfection, and perfection includes a new notebook, ok? I can't even tell you how many adorable mushy ideas on marriage I've seen pop up on Pinterest, and all I can think is that it's too bad that we didn't do _____ from Day 1. To implement something new like writing each other love letters once a month.... well I would always look back and think what a shame it was that we didn't have the first 18.

So without exaggerating at all, I can honestly say that reevaluating my life and coming up with things I would like to change feels too daunting. Instead I'd rather just take life as it comes and make adjustments along the way. To do this though I need to not picture and have expectations of the "end" because oddly that is what usually trips me up. Reevaluating this year would mean that next year I will have to look back and see how I did with the changes I made. It makes me never want to change anything for fear of failure.

Aw crap. 

Seriously, you would have laughed if you were next to me as I typed that. It was on the screen before I even had a chance to think it. I actually said "Crap" out loud after typing "fear of failure" Don't you hate when you set out to write a blog post about one thing and then you realize you're kind of messed up about something completely different?

Well, you'll be happy to know that I enjoyed the first of what I know will be many games nights at the Anthony household. They may not fall on the same night, and they might be spaced apart by weeks or even months, but that's ok. I can choose to enjoy each night as a treat, rather than a part of a routine, because as we've all just learned about me, I couldn't possibly stand to fail at doing it once a week.

Yeesh, I'm a nut.

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