Tuesday, 9 June 2015

Slowly Getting My Head Above Water

I miss doing things for other people. Or maybe I should say that I miss feeling like I want to, or can.

I love being the person who anonymously drops off a small gift for a friend, or makes cookies for someone going through a hard time. I like to be able to make a meal for someone who has suffered a loss, or a batch of granola bars for a new mom. It's not just about stuff either- I enjoy calling up a friend who seems to be in a tough time and asking them if they need anything, if just an ear to listen. I like to make people feel as though they have been seen and heard, and it really fills my cup when I'm able to do so.
I feel like I'm just getting my head above water here, after going though a tough few months. Between sleep deprivation, preparing for and opening a dayhome, and learning what our new normal is, it's been a whirlwind. I think I'm finally settling back into myself again because A- I have a desire to write again, and B- I see a friend with a need and can actually think of how I want to help. I don't think I realized it until now, but I think my plate was so cluttered with extra portions of overwhelmed and anxiety that I forgot to serve up some good old fashioned servitude.

In a way, I have learned something in this last season. I might be alone on this one, but I find it to be a fine line to not let the things I do define my worth. It was a good lesson to realize that if I didn't show up with that homemade quinoa salad that took an hour to make, people wouldn't scoff at my store bought bagged salad. And similarly it is a relief to know that even when I don't bring a hot meal over, people still know I care. 

Still, it feels good to make that extra lasagna for the freezer. You know, just in case.

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