Marriage, Seven Years and Two Kids In

The last time I wrote exclusively about marriage was when we were blissful newlyweds. I think we had been married a year or less when I first started clickety clacking away about all my thoughts and ideas on marriage. I remember a friend commenting on a post on sex, saying something like "I can't wait to hear your thoughts on all this once you've had a couple kids." There was probably a winky face in there, because I'm pretty sure she had two kids and knew what I didn't... kids really do change everything!

So here we are. Seven (and a half) years in, and two kids later, and I still have a lot of thoughts and ideas about marriage (and sex!) So many, that I thought I might as well write a whole series of posts about it. Some of you may have seen my Instagram (@Melissa1014) story where I asked for suggestions on what specific marriage issues to write on. I got some great suggestions! I'll try my best to touch on all of the questions I had throughout this series, as well as some things that I consider to be very important in our marriage.


Seeing as I haven't written anything on this blog in a verrrrry long time, and there may be a few people reading that have never read anything on here before, why don't we start with some introductions?

Oh hi! I'm Melissa, and I am just head over heels in love with a very handsome bearded man named Chris. I mention the beard because most people recognize him for it. It's fiery red, and bushy, and a large part of his charm. I know not all women love and embrace when their husband's have a beard, but I have always loved Chris' and even though he was clean shaven when we met, I can't picture him without it!

~Megan Dawn Photos~

This man is everything I ever hoped for in a husband, and so much more. Just the other night I came home from being out with friends and I told him as I was driving home that I was freezing, and asked him to warm up a magic bag for me. He met me at the door with it, and we chatted about our night for a few minutes, until I retreated to watch a show on the computer in our room, under our giant duvet. He came into the room about half an hour later to trade my lukewarm magic bag with another one that he had just freshly warmed up for me. And THEN, another half hour later he did it again. I'm so blessed. This is normal life for me. He is so sweet and thoughtful and always looking for new ways to serve and love me well.

Chris and I both became Christians in our early twenties. Chris first, then me a year-ish later, after meeting him. I remember we had only been dating a couple of weeks when we were sitting in church and the pastors had just started a sermon series on marriage. I thought it was a little awkward because we had JUST started dating, but at the same time, I loved it. I ate up every word. What I was hearing was brand new information. A marriage, with God at the centre is stronger than one without. It was a relief to hear, given that my parent's marriage wasn't an example of success. No one in my life at the time really had a strong healthy marriage. So, sitting there as a brand new Christian, this was very exciting news to find out that I had just taken the first step (following Jesus) in building a strong marriage.

A year or so later after Chris and I were engaged, and I was working as the receptionist at the church, all the staff were called into a very serious staff meeting. Not only all the staff were there, but also all the elders. They broke the news that our senior pastor was leaving the church because he and his wife had just decided to split up, and he was so broken over it.

Wait, what?? A pastor? HIS marriage failed?

I actually broke down in tears during the meeting. We had a long time of open discussion where we were encouraged to talk through everything we were thinking and feeling. I said to the room "I was never able to look to my parent's marriage as a model, and I thought that as a Christian I had a better chance of beating the odds of divorce and now I don't know what to do with this" and I will never forget the answer from my sweet and wonderful friend, pastor and mentor, Lisa. She said to me firmly "Melissa, the hope of your marriage is not found in the success of others. It is not found in our parents' marriage, or in this marriage. The hope of your marriage is found in Jesus."

And it really did give me so much hope! And it still does! It also made me feel determined to figure out how to have a marriage with God at the centre. And so I started reading all the books, and attending all the conferences, and doing everything I could to learn more and do more to grow a healthy marriage. Recently we started marriage counselling, which has been so much fun! One day I hope to be involved in some type of marriage ministry, and so we're sowing these seeds not just for us, but also for the Kingdom. We really truly believe that marriage can be and should be extraordinary. We don't want to settle for less. That doesn't mean we haven't had seasons of less- we certainly have, but each hard season has grown us together, and I can honestly say that our marriage is the best it's ever been, right now. It's a fun place to be in, and I look forward to sharing lot with you all in the next few weeks. I hope you'll follow along!




Thanks for reading!
~M