Marriage is hard, and marriage is amazing... all for the same reason.
I'm sorry if you all get tired of hearing me talk about marriage, but seeing as I'm just barely 18 months in, it's something that is constantly on my mind. Then you add in the fact that I have one friend that just got married, and another that will be walking down the aisle in a matter of weeks... It's an understatement to say that a lot of my conversations these days revolve around this topic. And you know what? I hope I always think about marriage this much. I hope I constantly have a heart to learn and grow and discover as much as I can. I never want to get to a place where I am just "living it" but instead am constantly searching for ways to improve my marriage.
OK, so I'll say it again: Marriage is hard, and marriage is amazing... all for the same reason.
Let me explain.
As I have talked about before, I am always changing. I change my mind about what I like and dislike, and I learn new things each day which shapes my relationship with friends, family, and God. My heart has been changed on many subjects over the years, but it's really kicked into overdrive since I've been married. I've discovered I know a lot less than I thought, but at the same time have found wisdom in subjects I didn't expect. Things that never used to bother me now make me angry, and on the flip side I have found my heart softened towards people and situations that used to bother me a lot. Bottom line - I surprise even myself sometimes with what I say and do, and I wonder when that particular ____was formed in me. I know who is doing the forming, but still have to wonder when and why it happened. A lot of praying and questioning and introspection happens these days.
What do you want first? The good or the bad news?
(does anyone choose the good news first?)
The bad news is that means that just when Chris thinks he has me figured out, I turn around and prove him wrong. Just when he thinks he knows how I will react to a situation BAM! Incorrect. For instance he'll make a joke about a subject that has never mattered to me before and I'll get offended. Poor guy- he had no idea that I cared about that subject as of.... yesterday. or we'll have an argument and I'll burst into tears for a reason completely unbeknownst to him. Ok, I'll be honest. sometimes it's completely unbeknownst to me. That's where the introspection comes in. Why did I react that way? I've never felt hurt when he says ___ before. What on earth has happened in my heart to change that?
Good news is that he actually loves to learn new things about me. (Phew!) Each new trait, new conviction or new heart posture shows us a new side of a person. Think of it like a diamond. There are more facets than we can count with the naked eye. While they all need to exist to make the diamond the stunning gem we know and love, each cut should be appreciated individually, because each one is unique. So if we're all diamonds, then each new facet our spouse sees causes them to love us more. Even if the facet isn't the best trait we have, it brings more understanding and therefor grows our relationship.
I shared a long time ago about how I was blessed to receive some wise advice at one of my wedding showers. Yet another woman's wisdom comes to mind as I write this. She wrote something to this effect:
"Share everything with one another- talk about all the little things even if they seem small and insignificant. Always stay caught up in each others lives."
And here is what I am realizing- I am being formed, shaped and molded as a person every single day. Sometimes when I look back to see when and where my heart was changed I realize it was through a simple conversation in the lunch room, or a blog I read, or even an exchange between people that I witnessed in the grocery store. If I am not sharing these little things with my husband he's being left in the dark about the transformation of my heart.
I don't want him left in the dark when it comes to my heart. Ever.
So there it is- the reason why marriage is hard and amazing is because the man I married no longer exists, and neither does the woman that Chris married. It's an amazing thing to see your spouse grow and change to be the person that God is making them out to be... You just have to stay on your toes sometimes so you don't miss it.
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