Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Marriage isn't always 50/50

I am officially on the other side of my busiest season to date. Crunch time started around the beginning of Novermber with one friend's shower, stagette and wedding taking up 3 out of 4 weekends, and this past weekend was my other friend's shower and stagette all in one day. As usual all this "busy" stuff was awesome, and amazing, and I was blessed to be a part of it, but as I admitted in my last post, it was also quite hard. But now... it's over

Deep breath in....... and out......


So I learned something about myself in this time. (Surprise surprise) Unfortunately what I learned is less than flattering.

Now I'll start by saying just how amazing my husband is. I honestly could not have gotten through this season without his help. The word "help" is actually an understatement. This man cleaned the house from top to bottom each time we had company over - even though each time they were "my company" having to do with wedding stuff. He helped me make goodies to take to each event I felt I needed to cook/bake for. He cooked dinner most nights because I felt overwhelmed. He was my shoulder to lean on when I needed a good cry because I was stressed. He sat me down and made lists with me when I needed to get everything spinning in my head on paper. He went shopping with me for gifts, crafts and bridesmaids dresses.

He was my rock- my constant in a time that felt chaotic. He not only picked up the slack that I was leaving undone, but supported me in all the extra endeavors I was taking on.

What I learned? I would have let him take care of me forever if he would have let me. It was so easy to let him make dinner and do the laundry while I lay like a lump on a log "recovering" from my busy weekend. The whole time I felt quite guilty, but he would constantly reassure me that it was ok. He wanted to serve me in this way. Eventually I just gave into it... and in fact relished in it. It was only when he voiced his own need to lean on me a little during this busy end-of-the-semester time that I was snapped back to reality.

What? You need help too? You're tired of me making messes and you cleaning it up?


Well duuhhhh

I knew right away I wanted to serve him the best I could in this time. New lists started popping up in my head - All within minutes I mapped out the next week and how I would manage to make dinner each night, get all the laundry done, do our monthy budget, go grocery shopping... and the beautiful part of this story is how completely calm I felt about it all. For weeks I had allowed him to take the lion's share of the work which meant that I was going from doing about 25% to wanting to do 75%. That's a pretty big jump, but somehow I wasn't overwhelmed or worried. I could do this. I wanted to do this.

Chris has been talking with a friend about being married and being in school at the same time. This friend voiced some concerns about not being sure he could pull his weight in a marriage while under the pressure of school. Chris explained to him that marriage isn't a 50/50 deal. Sure- ideally the duties would be split right down the middle, but the truth is that sometimes one person needs to take a larger portion for a season, and they should be willing to do this selflessly because without fail the tables will turn and they will end up being the one not able to give a full 50%.

I married a pretty wise man if you ask me.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go make my grocery list and do our monthly budget. ;)

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